An Additional Nisayon

I was speaking to a very wise woman today, and she gave me an amazing perspective on things.
We were discussing life challenges, and how sometimes it is so hard to see a master plan, but that it's always there. She mentioned how some people have it so hard, and you just can't understand G-d's plan for them.
So then I mentioned to her that there is a perception issue involved. That there are people who seem to be suffering through very similar situations, and yet one can walk around with a permanent frown and everyone feels so bad for them, while the other can hold her head up and smile and the world can forget that she is going through anything.
So I concluded that it is a large part your perception of the situation, not just the situation itself.

So this woman gave me an amazing perspective, that I want to share with you.

The person who is miserable and thinks that nobody in the world knows any suffering that is more extreme than what they endure.....they don't want to be like that. It is their emotional makeup, and thus part of their nisayon. Would they rather be one of those "cope"ers, who can fly around the world giving lectures on dealing with tough situations? Sure they would! But they have an added nisayon. Their emotional makeup prevents them from dealing with things as well as they wish they would. It is not necessarily a cognitive choice, but rather an added test from G-d.

Contrasts

Isn't it sad, to see these two ads side by side on a newspaper page:
On one side, there is an ad for a beautiful, luxurious pesach hotel, featuring five star entertainment and even better cuisine. In an effort to outdo each of the other pesach hotels, you can now go almost anywhere in the globe. On the other side there is an urgent appeal for a tzedakah of some sort. Whether it's a family heavily in debt due to medical bills, or a father who lost his job in the economic crisis, or a yesoma who is engaged and desperately needs money for her wedding...
Either way, the contrast is sickening. Do you realize, that while some people are wining and dining on the finest cuisine, there are some people who are eating the absolute barest minimum? People who wouldn't even be able to dream of a fancy hotel for one night, and definitely not for a week? That there are people out there who are turning to kimcha depischa funds, not because it doesn't make them sick, but
simply because without it, their family would not have matzoh, and all the other things they need for yom tov.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not jealous. I love yom tov at home. Even at the peak of my parents wealth, it never occurred to my parents to go away. But it makes me sad, nonetheless. I'll admit, it's a test to my bitachon. It's hard to see such contrasts.

I'm not sure what my point is in writing this. I am not, chas v'shalom trying to put the caterers out of business. This is their parnassah. And I am not trying to say that they are all overly luxurious. I've heard that some are reasonably priced, and have excellent shiurim, and are really nice. But....it's not only the extreme luxuries of the pesach hotels. It's the overall attitude of our generation. I know people have lost money in the 'financial crisis', but what do they give up first? Their monthly contributions to some charitable cause, or their fancy vacations, luxury cars, and home renovations?
Again, I don't think I'm going to accomplish much by saying that. I'm not, as someone suggested, going to set up a paypal button on the side
of my blog for people who want to help my family. (The idea makes me laugh. I don't know why...but...the idea is so chutzpadik...and funny.) I'm simply asking you to think. Think if you really need something. Think what usage of your money will get you the furthest in the long run. Think about people who are less fortunate than you are. Think about people who don't have the choices you have.
And give. Open your hearts, you pockets, and give.

A Memory....

"Uh, Dry Eyes, I don't know how to ask you..."

"What Tatty?"

"Well, um, I have some bills and...."

"Tatty, do you need money?"

"I hate to ask you Dry Eyes, but..."

"Tatty, it's my pleasure. How much do you need?"

"I hate to do this Dry Eyes....but I need $2,000"

"Not a problem Tatty. Let me get a check."

(takes out checkbook, begins writing, davening meanwhile for the right words to come to mind.)

"Here it is Tatty."

"Dry Eyes, thanks you...I feel terrible to take like this"

"Tatty, after everything you and Mommy have given me and done for me, this is nothing. Really, the least I could do to repay you."

As the smile returned to my fathers face, and that proud-business-man look replaced the ashamed-of-stooping-so-low look once again, I had to thank Hashem for putting the right words into my mouth. B"H.....

The Miracle Of Daily Life

"Do you want to witness a miracle? It’s simple. Close your eyes. Then open them. If you are blessed enough to see, you have just experienced millions of cells working in tandem to produce a unique vision of the world in front of you--and the miracle then continues and changes by the millisecond."

This was the beginning of an email my friend sent me (from the hakhel daily email). I thought it was a beautiful lesson, and had to share. It reminded me of an important lesson I have learned along my journey.
I used to think that having bitachon in Hashem, that He would provide for me, meant believing He could do a miracle. I thought I was guaranteed to get lots of money in some miraculous way.
Maybe I would win the lottery.
Maybe I would fall in walmart and sue them for a million dollars.
Maybe I would find a wallet lying on the street with a million dollars of cash in it.
Maybe I would dig in my backyard and find a well of natural gas.
Maybe some relative I didn't know I had would die and leave his fortune to me.

Then I learned that it doesn't have to come by way of miracles. Hashem can send me the money I need in the most mundane form.
I can get a raise at my job.
I can get a rebate on a purchase I made.
I can get a bigger tax return than I thought I was going to get.

Now I realize that there is no difference between the two. Is it more miraculous for me to find a wallet with loads of cash in it than for me to get a raise at my job? Is it a easier for Hashem to arrange a tax return than a winning lottery ticket?

My life is full of miracles, at every turn, in every breath that I take.

When I wake up in the morning,
it's a miracle.
When I walk on my own two feet,
it's a miracle.
When I go to work,
it's a miracle.
When I eat lunch, and the food gets digested,
it's a miracle.
When my car starts,
it's a miracle.
When I find shoes on sale,
it's a miracle.
When I fall asleep at night,
it's a miracle.
Everything I do,
is a miracle.

The Impact Of Your Actions

Someone did something to my father that will cost him a lot of money. This is money that he doesn't have. It is money he will have to lower
himself further to raise.

Now, this man who did it...he had no idea what he was doing. He never dreamed that he was causing pain and anguish to my father, who already has more bills than he can pay for. He had no idea that my family is in dire financial straights. He never dreamed that my father would lose so much sleep over "just" a few thousand dollars. He simply didn't know.

If he had known what kind of ripple effect his actions would have, I like to think that he would not have done what he did. But he didn't know. And that got me thinking. Do we ever know the far reaching effects of our actions?

Maybe that girl who I criticized has a low self esteem problem. Maybe my thoughtless remark pushed her into a shell that she would take years to get out of. If I had known that, would I have done it?

Maybe when I made fun of one girl to another girl, that was the final straw that ended their friendship. Maybe that friendship was very beneficial to them, but now it's over. Thanks to me. If I had known that, would I have said it?

You never know if your comment can be the final straw in a marriage, or the thing that pushes someone off the derech, or any other far reaching effect. And that is why we have to be so careful. There is no such thing as an insignificant action. Every thing you do had a ripple effect. Some might be bigger than others, but the ripple is there.

Hopefully the zechus of being more careful, of trying hard not to hurt other people, even in "insignificant" ways, will bring some much needed yeshuos to klal yisroel.

He Packed My Suitcase

I already mentioned the comforting imagery of imagining yourself in the warm, loving embrace of the Best and most Powerful Father possible.

Now I want to take it a step further. Imagine your Father is sending you on a long and ardous journey. He wants your success more than anything. The journey after all, is for the purpose of accomplishing something for Him. So, in order to help you succeed, he prepares as much information and supplies as you will need for the trip.

Imagine, the loving Father, tucking some last minute things into your suitcase, trying to ensure that you have everything you need.

And so you set off.

Along your journey, you start to notice that there are so many things you never would have thought to bring along, that are in your suitcase. Things you never knew you needed, yet things you never would have managed without.

It is then that you begin to realize the wisdom of your Father. He may have sent you on this trip, but you are not alone. You have His guidance, through His instructions, and through the suitcase full of supplies that He packed, especially for you. And therefore you know that you are never alone.

All the talents you have, are simply tools that you need, that have been put in your suitcase, to ensure your success on your journey.

Taking this a step further, let's put our "pekelach" in life into those suitcases. Let's say that whatever pain I am forced to go though is a "medicine" that my Father put into my suitcase. It might taste bitter, and it might not be so enjoyable, but it's really just there to help me.

But I can't take your medicine.

It won't make me better. It will make me sicker. So comparing my medicine with your medicine is silly. My Father packed me exactly the medicines I will need to be healthy. And He packed you the ones you need.

Some times I start to feel silly complaining about the various things going on in my life when there are people who are suffering through, what I percieve to be, much greater suffering. But it's silly. I am going on a different journey, and I have a different suitcase, with different supplies, different medicines, different tools for success.

The bitterness of your medicine doesn't take away from the bitterness of mine.

But we really just have to remember that it's medicine. While it might be bitter, it's main purpose is to make us into better people.

Learning The Good-From The "Bad"

I might have have a leak on top of my head,
But it means I have a roof on top of my head.

I might have scruffy old shoes,
But it means I have feet to put into those shoes.

I might have less food than I want,
But it means I have enough food to live.

I might feel cold when we can't afford enough heat,
But it means my heart is warm.

I might feel like my parents don't do enough for me,
But it means I have parents.

I might work a lot of overtime hours,
But it means I have a great job that pays well.

I might have mold growing on the walls of my bedroom,
But it means I have my own bedroom.

I might hear people argue over money,
But it means I have working ears.

I might need a new outfit to wear to my friend's wedding,
But it means I have friends who's weddings I can attend.

I might not have a harmonious family,
But it means I have a family.

I might have an occasional bad day,
But it means I have many, many good ones...

No Need to Help Him

MAKE a Good Shabbos!

Shabbos can sometimes be stressful in my house. I was hoping to go away this week, (as an escape...) but I am needed at home, so I will stay.
A thought for the day:
People tell you to "Have a Good Shabbos" But what does that mean? Good days, good shabbossim, they dont happen. You make them. Whatever happens this shabbos, I have a choice. I can make it good, or I can make it not too good. Life is about making the best of your circumstances. So, to my readers, I say:
"Make an amazing shabbos!"

The Nisayon Of The Dor Hamidbar

Superficially, it seems like the Dor Hamidbar had it easy.
They didn't have to work. They didn't have to worry about providing for their families. Their food just rained down on them from heaven.

Yet, they were tested with the ultimate test of bitachon.
Imagine what they went through. Each night, they went to sleep with an empty pantry, with no food in the fridge. They had no concrete proof that the morning would come and they would find the mahn on the ground.
Yet they believed.
And He didn't disappoint them.

Those people faced a choice. They could have stayed up all night worrying about the lack of food, the lack of assurance...and they would have found the mahn in the morning.
Or they could have made the wise choice. They could have said to themselves "the mahn will be there in the morning. There is no point in worrying. It won't get me anywhere."....and the outcome would be the same.
They would also find mahn in the morning. But they gained a restful night of sleep.

I often feel that I am lucky to be tested in the way that Dor Hamidbar was. I don't know how my family will continue to manage. Al pi derech hatevah, there is no way it will work. Yet, it will. Because He is providing for us.

So I have no reason to worry and fret and lose sleep.
As they say: "Worrying is like sitting on a rocking chair. You go back and forth and forth and back, but you never actually get anywhere."

I am content to know that Hashem is taking care of me.
I am content to know that the mahn will be there in the morning.
And that is all I need to know.