From My Journal....Kollel?

With regard to kollel, I had to thing long and hard as to whether I was up to such a thing.
My parents are rather against it (most likely because they are traumatized by money problems and don't want their children to suffer like they do). I realized though, that this is L'sheim Shamayim, and that Hashem helps those who sacrifice for Torah.
In fact, the lesson that I learned from my situation is that parnassah is uncertain and only from Hashem. Who would have thought, especially at the peak of my father's success, that we would ever be in such a situation? Marrying a business man is not a guarantee for money in this world, but marrying someone who is in the "business" of limud torah is a guarantee for schar in the world to come. I feel very strongly about this, and will therefore only consider a shiduch with someone who is in yeshivah full time.
My parents feel that with everything that is going against me in shiduchim (in terms of my family situation) I should be more open to shiduch suggestions. I am open. I am open to boys with problems, medical problems, family problems... I am open to ba'alei teshuvah, I am open to all kinds of boys, yet one thing I insist on is that he be a ben torah, a full time yeshivah student. I don't want this for my personal enjoyment, and therefore I hope that I am deserving of this.