Something to be grateful for?

People never know what is going on in other's lives, do they?

I met you tonight in the grocery store, each of us shopping for our mothers, and you peeked over at my shopping list....

"You are lucky, my list is so much longer than yours"

It didn't occur to you, when you said that, that my list was short because each thing we needed was thought over...and over...and over...and then mostly rejected. I'm sure you never dreamed that although the pantry and fridge are bare, this is all we will be eating for the next bit. I am sure it never occurred to you that you should be grateful that your mother handed you a full list...

How many things do I have, that am I complaining about, that I should really be grateful for?

thoughts on yom tov finery

Reflecting...

The family sat at the yom tov table, all looking their best. My sister's beautiful new earrings immediately caught everyone's eye. Suddenly, everyone was complementing my sister's earrings.


Yet...

It was weird. I was not jealous. So why did this stab of...of something shoot through my heart?
Was it this universal need to be recognized?


Perhaps....

As everyone is sitting here, complimenting her earrings, who complements Dry Eyes on her...on her what? On her beautiful new fridge? On everyone's beautiful new yom tov clothes? On the yom tov food?


So...

I smile inwardly to myself. I know that nobody knows about all that stuff. I know that Mommy knows about the food I paid for, and Tatty knows about the fridge I paid for, and each of my siblings knows what I bought for them.


And...

My poor sister. She works too. She makes money. And this is how she spends it. Poor girl, doesn't know what I know, doesn't feel what I feel.


Then...

I can't help but be happy. I know that the things I bought could have paid for a hundred pairs of earrings. And I know that in the next world, I will wear earrings that will be a hundred times brighter and more beautiful than anything she can buy with her money.


But...

Why do I still feel........?

When You Thought It Can't Get Tougher...

There is a time for your refrigerator to die, and there is a time for your refrigerator to die. Trust me, erev pesach is a rough time for your refrigerator to die.

It's not just the hundreds, the thousands of dollars of expenses this week, that are above the usual expenses. It's not just the entire stock of chicken, meat, cheese, eggs, and juice that now need to be transported to someone else's refrigerator. It is not just the food that has already been cooked that now needs a new place.

It's not even the money we (I) will have to spend on a new fridge tomorrow.

It's just the pileup of everything. Tomchei Shabbos delivery just as the repair man is proclaiming our freezer to be dead. It's just....too much.

So I sit here, ready to use the rest of the contents of my bank account, first thing tomorrow morning, and I wonder...what is Hashem trying to teach me here? What did He want me to learn from all this?

Perhaps my lesson was, appreciate how many things do work. Sure, the kitchen cabinets are falling apart, but the refrigerator is still humming...

Perhaps it was simply a test to my bitachon. Sure, it's easy to spend money when you have a couple of thousand dollars in your bank account. But when you have spent those last couple thousand in a mere few days, can you still spend like that?

Either way, I am grateful. I learned some valuable lessons tonight. I hope this will be the push I needed to raise my bitachon one notch, to live like I hope to live one day soon, IY"H, when I am married.

A Letter To My Friend...

To my dear friend,

I don't blame you for making me feel this way. I really don't. You didn't do anything wrong. You had no way of knowing. In fact, I am glad to know that it never occurred to you that it might be painful for me to hear this...

How were you to know that your words would hit home to such an extent? How were you to know that a simple phone call would make me feel like a piece of dirt? How were you to know?
You weren't.

Yet...
When you told me that you were volunteering at the local tomchei shabbos, I reacted well. I was impressed. Really, I was. It is very noble of you, taking time out at this busy time of year to help those unfortunate people. See, the problem is....I am among those unfortunate people.

Do you realize my friend? Do you realize what is going on? YOU took time out of your busy schedule to package OUR groceries?

It's hard to describe what it feels like, being at this end. I give you a bracha that you never should know. But trust me, as this is coming straight from my heart, it is awful. It is a horrible feeling.

Hopefully soon, Hashem will give us the bracha of "yiparneseinu b'kovod" but until then.... We'll be grateful for the food...any way Hashem sends it to us.

And now, I sit by my computer, holding back tears, yet, for now,
I remain,

Dry Eyes

Yom Tov Shopping

Every year we go to our local grocery store on erev pesach and make a big grocery order. In recent years it has become increasingly difficult, and our cart got decreasingly full. Last year, I slipped my mother my card on the way into the store, and told her to buy whatever she needs.
I just informed her that I would like to do that again. She looked at me uncomfortably.

"Um...we, well, I mean, thanks but I...we...um, we are getting some...um, we are getting some help."

She felt uncomfortable, but basically, I got the picture. Instead of shopping at our local grocery store, we are going to be shopping at tomchei shabbos.

Somehow I don't think I will enjoy my food very much this yom tov.

But, again, I am gratefull to Hashem that we have this option.....

Mi ka'amcha yisroel.....