Reflecting...
The family sat at the yom tov table, all looking their best. My sister's beautiful new earrings immediately caught everyone's eye. Suddenly, everyone was complementing my sister's earrings.
Yet...
It was weird. I was not jealous. So why did this stab of...of something shoot through my heart?
Was it this universal need to be recognized?
Perhaps....
As everyone is sitting here, complimenting her earrings, who complements Dry Eyes on her...on her what? On her beautiful new fridge? On everyone's beautiful new yom tov clothes? On the yom tov food?
So...
I smile inwardly to myself. I know that nobody knows about all that stuff. I know that Mommy knows about the food I paid for, and Tatty knows about the fridge I paid for, and each of my siblings knows what I bought for them.
And...
My poor sister. She works too. She makes money. And this is how she spends it. Poor girl, doesn't know what I know, doesn't feel what I feel.
Then...
I can't help but be happy. I know that the things I bought could have paid for a hundred pairs of earrings. And I know that in the next world, I will wear earrings that will be a hundred times brighter and more beautiful than anything she can buy with her money.
But...
Why do I still feel........?
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5 comments:
...and Hashem knows everything you paid for. And that's what really counts.
P.S. it's only natural to have such feelings
{hugs}
Why do you still feel something?
Because you're human my dear. If you didn't feel any twinge of anything, I'd be worried about you. You're beautifully normal and alive and thriving and beautiful.
Be proud of yourself, kiddo
:-)
Rikki, I know that. Honestly I do. It's all I have...
Corner point...thanks I guess. It's hard to feel proud of yourself for feeling (I don't want to say jealous cuz it's not but for lack of a better word) jealous about your sister's earrings that you don't even like, but if you say so...
I don't usually post a comment when a previous commenter has posted my "would be" comment VERBATIM, but in this case it seems necessary.
I SECOND CORNER POINTS (E)MOTION!!!
You are human!
Hashem created you that way and loves you that way.
Be proud of yourself but don't deify yourself to the point where you do not allow yourself to FEEL. That is definitely not ratzon Hashem.
Keep up your great work.
{{{{{hugs}}}}
When one does a big mitzvah, especially one involving sacrifice the y''h is not happy. Yours is really getting angry with you, so he used all his resources to set this up in the hope that you may feel a tiny bit unsure with yourself or to use your word 'jealous', please don't give in to him, don't let him win even a tiny bit - you deserve the full gloriousness (yup, I think I just made up a word) of the mitzvah in the next world! You are to be envied for the sechar!
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