To my dear friend,
I don't blame you for making me feel this way. I really don't. You didn't do anything wrong. You had no way of knowing. In fact, I am glad to know that it never occurred to you that it might be painful for me to hear this...
How were you to know that your words would hit home to such an extent? How were you to know that a simple phone call would make me feel like a piece of dirt? How were you to know?
You weren't.
Yet...
When you told me that you were volunteering at the local tomchei shabbos, I reacted well. I was impressed. Really, I was. It is very noble of you, taking time out at this busy time of year to help those unfortunate people. See, the problem is....I am among those unfortunate people.
Do you realize my friend? Do you realize what is going on? YOU took time out of your busy schedule to package OUR groceries?
It's hard to describe what it feels like, being at this end. I give you a bracha that you never should know. But trust me, as this is coming straight from my heart, it is awful. It is a horrible feeling.
Hopefully soon, Hashem will give us the bracha of "yiparneseinu b'kovod" but until then.... We'll be grateful for the food...any way Hashem sends it to us.
And now, I sit by my computer, holding back tears, yet, for now,
I remain,
Dry Eyes
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5 comments:
Maybe this is one of the reasons why it's so important not to talk a lot about the chesed we do...
Sorry you had to hear that, DE. Just so you know, when the rav mentioned "people who are unfortunately in financial crises..." during his drasha today, I was hurting for anyone there... (thought you might like to know that your blog is raising sensitivity)
Thanks Bas Melech, it really does help to know that.
I don't think it is her fault. I wouldn't expect anyone to keep quiet about these things. Though I guess in an ideal world we wouldn't brag about all these things so much.
Yeah i definitely agree with Bas-Melech about not talking too much about that stuff... you never know who you're talking to!
DE, I really feel for you! I"YH Hashem should be M'farneis Eschem B'Kavod and things should keep going up from here!
I just heard Rav Belsky speak on how many who have been "givers" are now forced to be "takers" and he said that fortunes are like a "gilgul" (a wheel) and it can turn again.
When your fortune changes, you will be in an amazing position to know just the right thing to say and just the right way to give with sensitivity.
Wishing you a chag kasher V'SAMEACH.
We know that the world is full of givers and takers but it so hard when the option is removed and one is forcibly moved from one side to the other.
Through sharing your experiences you are helping so many others learn without having to go through the pain - a zechus indeed. I bentch you and your family that the time for 'taking' soon ends but that the lessons you have learn and so nobly shared and taught others remain.
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