From My Journal......Foreclosure Scares Me!

We had a rough time last week. Someone came to our house from the mortgage company. They wanted to discuss strategies to avoid forclosure. That freaked me out. My friend was really disturbed. She said I sounded worse than she can remember. Hashem is really testing my bitachon. I am trying so hard, I think I succeeded in overcoming the worries and Hashem reminds me that I have a lot to work on. I don't really know why forclosure scares me more than most things. I sort of panicked. My friend was up half the night on the phone with me... just listening.
*sigh*
Sometimes it seems like a black hole of despair, that there is no way out. I can't understand those who don't turn to Hashem in times of such desparation. There is nothing/nobody else that CAN help!