My mother and I had a conversation today and this came up, I wrote it, from what she said:
background: the bookkeeper in her company went on vacation and the fill in bookkeeper made some mistakes and a bunch of paychecks were bounced, my mother's included
There is no way to describe the feeling. It was erev shabbos, my paycheck had bounced. I had no money in my account, it was in overdraw by over a thousand dollars. I didn't even have any cash in my wallet. I was literally penniless. I couldn't pay for anything. I didn't know how to make shabbos for my family. Suddenly, as the pit settled into my stomach and I felt worthless and helpless.
I now understood why a poor person is considered dead.
(I wasn't going to post this because it is very depressing. But this blog is thoughts running through my head and I can't get this one out.)
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3 comments:
:( it is depressing. but real. and that what this is about-reality. not pretending anymore.
i'm sorry...i wish i had something better to say
:-(. I'm sorry you had to learn firsthand what that means...
I remember that day. It was a few days after I had my baby. I was trying to nurse her but my nipples were so sore. I didn't have any cash to pay for parking so when I went to the hospital to see the lactation consultant I could only stay for less that 30 minutes. The lactation consultant wasn't available but they said I could wait for her. I said I couldn't so I left. You might ask why I didn't drive out of the parking lot after 25 minutes and then come back in for another 25 minutes. Well, I couldn't do that because I had very little gas in my tank and my husband warned me not to drive it for more than a few minutes because it might run out of gas. I couldn't put more gas in the car because I only had $3 in my bank account. It was the worst feeling of my life. So I can relate to how you feel/felt. BTW, I will be e-mailing you soon to share my story as you have shared yours.
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