I stand at the shore,
the waters are untested,
the course is uncharted.
I have never dealt with anything like this before!
I don't want to get in the boat!
I want to stay here on safe,
dry land!
But life goes on, and I am forced to get in.
I explore the ship.
I greet the crew.
And we set sail.
How do I manage to put on a show of coping so admirably?
But look!
Right there- on the horizon!
A storm is brewing!
How much longer can I continue to hold back?
I lower the sails.
I prep the ship.
we must weather the storm!
I don't want to cry!
I suddenly realize-
I can't make it through the storm,
in this little boat!
The tears seem inevitable! I can't do this!
So I make a decision,
to turn back,
to avoid the storm.
I fight myself. Because I don't want to cry.
But the ship must reach it's destination!
There is no turning back-
We can only forge straight ahead!
I need to cry. I need to let it out.
I start to go back to the deck,
to man the sails,
to pass through the storm.
Can I even cry at this point?
I start to approach the storm clouds.
Mist is spraying on my boat.
The boat is rocking from the force of the storm!
Tears fill my eyes, threaten to overflow.
The boat is rocking violently.
I am holding on-
for dear life.
Can I cry? Can I not? How can I stop fighting with myself?
The boat is now hitting the storm.
waves crashing on the deck,
getting me wet.
What is this wet stuff on my cheeks? What is it doing there?
I can't make it through this storm!
I know my boat,
will capsize!
I can't let my only defense mechanism melt away!
I can't take the risk.
I can't try to make it,
through the storm.
I can't do this. I can't cry.
I have made so much progress!
I am almost there!
Just a little farther!
I have come this far! Can't I just cry?
I can't do it.
I just can't risk letting,
my entire ship overturn.
So I push the tears back to where they came from.
I turn the ship around.
I head back to shore,
to safety.
I stop my crying. Better safe than sorry.
I know this is not where I wanted to go.
I had a destination in sight!
But I can't make it there.
I am disappointed in myself.
I am not where I wanted to be.
But at least,
I am safe.
But I am safe.
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7 comments:
Beautiful poem.
The rest of what's on my mind, you know already, so I'll spare you this time :-P
[holds out raincoat]
Thanks so much bas melech! You made me smile- again! :)
I see it's disappointing, but please don't blame yourself. If you need to be safe, that's what you had to do.
Your boat is pointed in the right direction, I'm sure you'll get to your destination soon!
What Bas Melech said...you know what I think and what I have said so many times. Be brave girl.
"A ship is safe in the harbor...but that's not what ships are built for".
wow...
beautiful and intense
but
whats wrong with crying?
Crying can be incredibly therapeutic...
Child inside, I hope so, but at this point I simply don't know...
Halfshared, the question is: can this ship make the journey? Is it physically possible?
David on the lake, I'm scared of it. There is a year of built up pain and tears hidden behind my front of not crying. Crying, in my mind, means facing it.
Of course the ship can make the journey. Ships are built to withstand storms. Even small ones have great advantages that can mess up some big ships in a storm.
You just gotta remember that you do have the tools to deal with this, and sooner or later, you'll have to. I suggest sooner...cuz the longer you wait, the more violent the storm can be. I have no doubts that you will make it through alive--in fact, I believe you will come thru not only stronger, but happier and more healthy--but you gotta deal with this as soon as possible. Don't wait for the hurricane.
As for the tools...if you don't know where they are or how to use them or what would be most effective in helping you weather the storm, there are very many people who have seen many storms in their lives and have much wisdom to share with those facing storms like they have.....
Hatzlacha rabba, my dear....
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